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This morning C surprised me with this guest blog post.  Sometimes there are things I can’t write about right away.  I had no idea she was doing this but it’s good to know I’ve got a partner who can pick up my slack. Without further ado…C…

Patrick was raised to wear his heart on his shoulder. I’ve seen Patrick’s father, Mr. T, tear up when speaking fondly about his bride of more than 45 years. Patrick’s brother also writes a blog about his college sweetheart and their 4 angels under the age of 8. He can make an entire room well up when speaking on the sacrifices his wife has made to allow him to lead an organization of True Gentlemen. Their mother, Mrs. N, has a quiet strength about her that keeps the household running. She makes me feel loved and is the least dramatic woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of spending time with. The clan is full of kindness, love, humor and very solid. This is difficult to write because I am going to wear my heart on my sleeve for a few moments.

I was raised to be very independent, skeptical (I like to think it evolved into becoming analytical,) to always have an escape route, do what’s good for me and to protect my emotions. I think I’ve seen my mother cry once. Maybe. These admissions are not me cutting down my mother or my upbringing. This was simply how I was raised by a single mother who had to pave her own road in life. They have made me outwardly strong and sometimes internally weak. Through all my ups and downs in life I take complete ownership since I feel like I haven’t trusted or relied on anyone for much since I was 14. Now in my 30’s, Patrick is teaching me how to trust.

The beginning to our relationship was interesting. Our journey to Virginia was …. uh, also interesting. His commitment was unwavering through all the times I purposely tried to push him away and also when my past came to haunt us. He has been there for me. He has been there for my boys. So many buzz articles float through the web about women being strong, independent, single mommas doing their own damn thing and not needing a man. Even more articles are about women not choosing to have a traditional family or even eventually having children. Good for them. Do your thing, ladies. I, on the other hand, have been there as a single mom (and as the sole provider for a family of four when I was married) fighting for promotions to get my family in a better place. I not only want a man, specifically Patrick, but need him in my life…in my boy’s life and I am not afraid to say it.

Patrick is a rock. He is setting the example for my boys, accepts my past and is building a future with all of us in mind. He supported his ex-wife through her own emotional and spiritual path. Though she realized that she still had boxes of her own to check off and left him, he continues to remain friendly with for her and ensured she was ok when, I think, he did not have to do so. He is a simple man with a heart of gold. Of course there are moments that we bicker or he does something stupid but I am happy he is my life partner in crime. When something is bothering him, I want to fix it the way he helps fix my problems. Something is bothering him right now but I can’t fix it. It’s difficult to even discuss.

You see, our family life isn’t perfect. This blog makes it seem like our life is full of laughter, weirdness, exploration and love. Our life is full of that but we also have moments of disappointment, sadness, confusion and occasional bouts of anger, just like any family. However, like all social media, people share what they want. People typically give what they want you to know about themselves and save all the drama for themselves. He started his blog to share his experience as a faux dad that moved to a trendy suburban oasis with some pretty cool kids. He has only shared the positive moments. He has tried to shy away from controversy or any negativity. This is why he hasn’t written a blog in nearly two weeks.

We have a family issue that we are dealing with. It’s hard. It’s heart wrenching. It’s very personal. We are keeping it very close to the heart. We don’t quite know how to deal with it at home much less deal with it with extended family AND still move forward as a positive, happy family during the holidays. We got a lot going on. There is a plan, we’ve reached out to third parties but it is still fresh and it’s a process. It’s difficult to classify if  what happened as result of depression, poor judgment, moment of impulse, a major behavioral issue or a combination of a few. It’s about something one of the boys did and we are working together to fix it but it’s complicated.

Parenting is hard. It is the ultimate roller coaster. You try to do best for them. You give autonomy within boundaries. You love them unconditionally and more than life itself. In return, they teach you about life. When they do things that are wrong, you freak out. Especially if it something that they KNOW is bad but still do it. My response to problems is trying to get to the root and go from there. The issue is that when it happens to be a problem with one of your kids, the root generally starts with the parent. So we got some things to work out. And we are.

I want my kids to be stronger than me. They need to own their emotions and deal with them….not bury them like I did. This is where Patrick comes in because he is able to be patient and kind. He can show them how to trust, how to lead an honest life and how to be a good person. He is dealing with his own conflict because he grew up with very little family adversity or life events that would cause emotional instability. I wish he would write about it even if he doesn’t share it with me or you, dear reader. His unique perspective could help us or others in the same situation of working through emotional family problems. He diffuses issues through humor; I’m not sure if this is his way of protecting himself or the way he thinks. His blog is not fake…we are a happy, adventurous, loving and odd family with two boys. However, we have our share of attitude, bad choices, deceit and pain. I think we are quite normal and could not imagine a better environment for my boys through our growing pains.

(Note: As I finish this, he just said, “Hey, so I just wrote a short, funny post for my blog. Can I read it to you?”)

Patrick here again:  Just wanted to clarify that everybody is okay, no body has been hurt or anything.  We’re just dealing with behavioral issues.  Thanks for all the support!

3 thoughts on “Guest

  1. “C” we have not met yet but I have know The Ayers Family since Tim, Nina, my wife of 46 years Kathy and I went through our Diaconate Formation together back in 2002. We were all younger then but the family values and Love for each other has not dimished but grown. It took a lot of Courage for you to have written this Blog and I applaud you for it. Your approach and willingness to get the people close to you involved and your willingness to listen and discuss solutions is commendable. Patrick speaks about his feelings for the boys in all of his blogs and you can just tell that he is so proud of them and extremely thankful to you for letting him be involved with the boys but also thankful that you came into his life. I lnow you have heard the phrase the God has a plan for all of us and his plan for you and Patrick happened at the right time.
    God Bless, Deacon Dan

  2. C – as others have said, very well written. Your honesty is touching so many. Life brings us a lot of tests. If we don’t experience them and forge ahead, we wouldn’t be able to have our own testimony. I know it sounds cliche but I’m realizing that these tests only help us become better people. You are kind, generous, loving and doing all you can to raise the next generation of productive, sensitive men and you’re doing this together – even T1 will have, in more ways than he knows right now, some involvement in the raising of T2. All of us will trip along the way but I’m fairly certain, in the end, it will all work out.

    As you know, we are always around. Please don’t hesitate to drop one or both boys here if you and P need a moment.

    PS: P is sooo not a faux-father…I wish he would stop introducing himself that way. I know it’s humorous but I hope he realizes (as you do) that he’s become a great father, friend and advisory to those boys!

  3. Great post, C. I don’t know you and only know Patrick through the board but I think you’re my kind of people. Thank you for saying the things about him that he would not say about himself.

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