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photo (28)When I was young we always had at least two and often as many as four dogs in the house.  I had a twenty gallon fish tank full of stuff.  I had a turtle named Vegamatic that I trained (by placing her there, basically) to hold on to the front of my shirt like a giant, heavy pendant.  I had another turtle named Shelly, because apparently my very real genius for naming things was on the fritz that day.  I had a terrarium, half water and half land and all built by my mom,  that was a wonder.  I had a little garter snake named Andy Conda (see…genius).

I understand the desire for animals in the house.  Right now we have Starbuck holding up the fort for team four legged mammal.  We have T2’s fish tank which holds his red-tailed shark named Viper to which T2 attributes a near Jaws level of ferociousness, an unnamed tiger barb type fish (no name) and an algae-eater named Iguana Eater due to a miscommunication at his purchase.  Finally we have T1’s Beta, who lives in the kitchen and who I have trained to dance for food.  Apparently, this is not sufficient.

The following is a list of the animals that, in the period spanning the last few weeks of the month of September, T2 has suggested we get as pets.

  • Box Turtle
  • Frog
  • Poison Dart Frog
  • Salamander
  • Poison Salamander
  • Pot-Bellied Pig
  • Regular Bellied Pig
  • Black-tipped Shark
  • Bull Shark
  • Parrot
  • Really any bird capable of speech
  • A school of Neon Tetras
  • Another dog (small)
  • Another dog (large)
  • Crocodile
  • Okay, an alligator
  • Okay then, one of those little alligator things that aren’t really an alligator
  • Goat
  • Bearded Dragon
  • Emerald Egg Eating Snake
  • Chicken

He wants the goat so he can put a saddle on it and ride it around the neighborhood.  He doesn’t want a boa constrictor because they are scary but the Emerald Egg Eating Snake is “totally safe.”

He wants the chicken so we can easily feed the snake.

3 thoughts on “Menagerie

  1. I vote against birds. Birds are awful and live forever, which is not a good combination.

    Also, as your lawyer, I advise a check of federal, state or local laws and your community rules before trying for some of these more exotic ones. I have a feeling you’re not allowed to have an alligator in suburban Virginia…

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